A caring and loving approach leads to harmony, trust and peace of mind. Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu alaihi wasallam), taught us to extend Salam to everybody with a smile. He ordered us to say Salam to our families when we enter and leave. Always greet your family with Salam and a hearty smile, showing appreciation for them. This becomes increasingly important when you are greeted with a complaint. The nature of who we are as humans, likes to be heard.

Consider these examples as a husband comes home:

Scenario #1–
Husband: Where were you, I rang the doorbell a million times?
Wife: I was busy cleaning the mess you and your kids created.
Husband: Don’t get me started, I had enough and I don’t need your nonsense.
Wife: You leave the house barking and return home barking.
Husband: Get of my face, I don’t want to see you.

Scenario #2:
Husband: Assalamu Alaikum how are you dear? It is always a pleasure to see you and be with you.
Wife: Wa Alaikum AssalamWa Rahmatu Allahi Wa Barakatuh. Welcome home. Kids, daddy is home, come and say Assalamu Alaikum.
Husband: Ma Sha Allah. Hey, I am sure my Istikhara Salah worked when I chose you to be my wife.
Wife: Jazaka Allahu Khair. I am the lucky one. Dinner is ready. Do you want to eat now or do you want to rest for a while?
Husband: I want you to know that you are greatly appreciated.

Scenario #3–
Husband: Where were you, I rang the doorbell a million times? What is the matter, you don’t want me home or what?
Wife: Salamu Alaikum and welcome home. Sorry I was vacuuming and I didn’t hear the doorbell. How was your day?
Husband: It was a long day. Sorry I lost my temper.
Wife: Hey, don’t worry I should’ve expected you at this time.
Husband: What is for dinner?
Wife: Your favorite.
Husband: Maklooba. Nobody makes it as good as you do.

Scenario #4–
Husband: Salamu Alaikum.
Wife: I can’t take this anymore. Kids, cleaning and cooking are driving me crazy.
Husband: Ok. Let us see how I can help. You know our Prophet (salla Allahu alaihi wasallam) used to always help around the house.
Wife: Talk and no action.
Husband: Sit down. You cooked, I am going to serve.
Wife: Sorry, I had a bad day. Let me get you some coffee first.
Husband: I understand. I value the great things you do for me and the kids. I wish I can be of more help.

In communicating with your spouses, keep in mind how what you say affects the person that you’re saying it to. Remember, flowers attract honey bees, but garbage attracts flies.

Which scenario do you want at home? You can make it happen. My mother, may Allah (subhanahu wata’ala) have mercy on her soul, used to say “never ignore the power of a good word for it can dislodge a snake from its hole without any harm.”

By Dr Bassam Jody

2020-04-27T19:06:04-05:00